"I wish I looked like I had a dumpy middle-aged woman's body, and nothing to live for."
"I want to be the one at the bar wearing the shirt that explains why I am single."
"I want a jacket that broadcasts both my ironic outdatedness and my tendency towards pedophilia. Also, could it cost like a month of rent?"
"What would Oscar the Grouch wear if it was 2715 and he was really cold from being in a garbage-SPACE-can?"
"Remember Joey Buttafuoco? Just like that."
"My breasts are so cold and my belly button is so hot. My elbows freeze but I want to be able to see my watch and bracelet at all times. Why can't I find the right jacket for that?"
"I wish they made garbage bags in shiny hot pink."
"Okay, but what if now I am a one-armed slutty clown?
"No one has ever vomited from looking at my butt. Can we change that?"
"A religious cult member travels back in time to court a medieval knight. Got it?"
my boyfriend and I would wear the pajama blazer and the Just cavalli sweater (respectively). :o)
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