Etsy Finds of the Day: Vintage tribal pattern bathing suits

Bathing suit season is coming! Are you excited? Are you scheduling a lipo appointment? Did me just saying that make you throw up?

Anyway, Etsy has some wild retro bathing suits from when the neon and tribal print thing were "in" around the 1980s:

$56 Tribal and animal print swimsuit
WHOA!
Can you imagine being the swimsuit designer who sat down and sketched this? Or the person who approved it? Or the worker who actually put it together?
Giant WTF. But fun. I feel like I will see a thousand of these at the McCarren pool this summer.

$34 1980s one piece
The crossover surplice top and chevrons are fun, and the neon around the neckline draws attention to the bust.

$25 Vintage skirted swimsuit
Skirted suits are great for hiding a lumpy butt or just pretending you are a grandma.

$46 Vintage black and white tribal suit
This one has a structured top for the girls who need support, and a crazy schizo mish mosh of geometric patterns

$42 High waisted tribal print bikini
The top on this is cute, but the bottoms are exactly the opposite of flattering.
Maybe someone skilled could re-craft them into something less Depends-ish?