Friday, October 5, 2012

More idiocy from SkyMall

Not enough?
Here's some more!

$99.99 Color changing shower head light
Is my leg bleeding? Nah, it's just the red cycle on my fun shower light.
The purpose of showering is to get clean and get out, no?
Why would you want to limit what you can see and have a disco dance party in there?

$499 Townhaus dog crate
This puppy jail costs more than my bed. (Thanks, Ikea!)
I understand the desire to not look at a wire crate, but just get some wood and cover it up! You don't need to get a $500 cabinet with one side missing.

$29.99 Cat eyes sleepshirt
What better way to freak out your bedmate than to have them roll over to this in the middle of the night?
Also, true or false: you have seen at least 5 of these walking around as dresses in Williamsburgh

$9.99 Ruby slipper socks
Not gonna lie, I want these.
Why wear shoes and socks when you can fake wearing both by just putting on something with the functionality of neither?

$119.99 Illumicube
What is an illumicube you ask? Well, it's this. And it costs 120 bones.
It has lights, and it sits there. And it's a cube. And it takes up space.
So, if you are looking for a way to spend money and take up space and also want something to blow your frikkin mind when you are high, this is your jam.

$99.99 Touchscreen compatible women's gloves
First of all, let's start off with the fact that you can get touchscreen gloves for under $20 at any convenience store.
Next, let's talk about the look of these. What is going on here?!
For just $100 we can make your fingers look like a frat couch!
Do you want your gloves to show the outside world that you are an assassin? And use your smartphone at the same time? Well congratulations, you've found your item.

$149.95 Ultrasonic hand moisturizer
When I first saw this, I thought it was a nail polish dryer or uv light. But wait, there was one of those 50 pages ago in the catalog. No, turns out, this is a fancy machine that moisturizes your hands. Sonically.
I have never ever seen this before. Do you know anyone who has used anything like this?

And now the piece de resistance, the item to end all items, the cosmic joke of SkyMall.....

ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you......
Drunk Cat Canvas Print!!!!!!!!!
$1,199.95 Drunk Cat Canvas Print

Yes, you read that correctly. This beauty will set you back over $1000.
Also, despite being a name I would absolutely give to this while mocking it, the title of the item really is, in the catalog and everything, "Drunk cat canvas print."

You never need to look at SkyMall again, because this is the best and most outrageously priced thing they will ever offer.

The End.

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