The perfect gift for Valentine's Day

This Valentine's Day, show them you care with a cockroach. Or a scorpion. Or if you really want, something furry and cute like an emperor tamarin monkey.

You can "adopt" animals (in name only, you don't get to keep it in your house) through the San Francisco zoo.

$25 Hissing Cockroach adoption

Seems like a good basic option

$50 Scorpion adoption

I don't know why, but it is good to know that you can get 2 cockroaches for a scorpion. This must be the economy somewhere.

$50 Emperor Tamarin adoption

In what world is a basic adoption of this guy the same as a scorpion??

Bunny light

CUTE


 $100 bunny light

Check out this little guy!

He is a white porcelain bunny with a lightbulb for a tail.

It's hard to tell how big it is- I am not sure at all but I think it might be more nightlight sized than table lamp.
The bulb is LED and non-replaceable and the cord is USB powered.

I wish it was $20 then I would be all over it!

Horrifying: Snails on your face on purpose

Thanks, Japan, for another disgusting beauty treatment that grosses me out beyond belief.

This time, it is a facial consisting of snails crawling all over you and leaving their slime on your skin.

BARF

Get ready, here is a picture:

Terrible. Oh but don't worry, the snails are organic. 

So the snail mucus is supposed to be a miracle ingredient that does....???
Apparently, it can "help skin retain moisture, reduce inflammation and remove dead skin."

The best quote of the article is this:

"This salon is the only place in Japan where you can try a live snail facial," said Yoko Minami, sales manager at Clinical Salon, the flagship outlet of Ci:z.Labo, a nationwide spa operator and affiliate of Japan's biggest medical cosmetics company.

The only place in Japan....As if there are so many places outside of Japan to get a live snail facial? Or as if there are so many people clamoring for snail snot that it's astounding that there is only one establishment to serve the hordes?

If you thought you only get the snails crawling on your face then you can get up and go, oh how wrong you are. Here is what comes next:

This is followed by a series of massages, masks and electrical pulse machines using creams infused with snail mucus to ensure that the live secretions fully penetrate the skin.

Creams infused with snail mucus is definitely not one of those PR phrases they teach you in school. I wonder why.

What does it feel like? Here is the most truthful quote of the entire article:

There is little in life more unsettling than spying the rearing tentacles of an approaching snail on your cheek out of the corner of your eye.

 I BET.


So, what would you pay for this treatment?
Or, what would you pay NOT to have to get this treatment?
Either way, it is about $244.
Save up.

Just my luck...

 these are sold out:


$6.66 Rabbit tail shorts

I guess that site doesn't know it's my birthday.
OR MAYBE they are sold out because all my friends bought them for me already and they are on their way to me.
Thanks, guys!!

One of the best features of these faux fur shorts is that they have an elastic waist (you thought I was going to say the tail, didn't you?).
That means you can never outgrow them!

But what to wear on top?
It is a hard item to match, for sure.
I think I've got it though:


$9.48 Rabbit print blouse

Business on top, party on the bottom! All rabbit all the time.
Because what matches rabbits? RABBITS.


PS- I would actually wear that shirt.

Bunny tank top

I really want this cute shirt!




$22 The rise and fall Bunny Tank in heather gray
This is nice and long so you can wear it over low rise jeans and not worry about your ass crack making an appearance. Or muffintop.


And this watch is cute too

Other animal items from Madewell? Yup

I loved that bunny cardigan, so I thought I'd check and see if there might be any other animal themed clothes from Madewell for you guys... Turns out there are some!

$108 Counting sheep sweater
The scale of this print is perfect for the sweater, I think. It's not too big and childish, or too small and just looks like a pattern.

$118 Silk horseplay boyshirt
This button down shirt features stylized sketches of horses. I love a silk top.

$68 Horseplay sweatshirt
Interestingly, they enlarged the horse drawings for this shirt, which gives it a whole different effect. Doesn't it look more casual even without looking at the shape/style?

$78 Armadillo muscle tank
Yes, those are little curled up armadillos on the bottom, not just circles.
I am not sure who would pay $78 for a tank top unless armadillos are your favorite animal above all else, but in case they are, this is for you.

$59.50 Llama love scarf
I think you can guess what is going on here. There are llamas all around the edge of this scarf. The name of it is throwing me off a little. Is it "llama, love scarf!" as an imperative? Is it a "llama-love scarf?" Mysteries of the ages.
It's wool, which is good for staying knotted and keeping warm

Madewell Bunny Cardigan

$88 Rabbit Run Cardigan

Bunnies!
This cardigan is made from like every fiber in the world except for angora (which would have made sense): cotton, viscose, merino.

You can get it in the dusty burgundy color above or the vicuna color below:

I'll take the vicuna color for Chanukah please!

Shark bag!

When is a shark not a shark?
When it's a fuzzy floppy tote bag! Duh.

$39 Cooperative Shark Duffle

He unzips along the top (not in the mouth sadly, otherwise I would be shoving random things in there and making him eat my bunny non-stop) and hangs from your shoulder.

It would be cute as an everyday bag or obviously as a beach bag.
Another great use would be to keep your pads and tampons and other "shark week" supplies.

Alternatively, I think men have a hard time finding bags that aren't too girly or boring, and the shark bag would be fun.
I'd like a guy with a shark bag.